Sunday, June 24, 2018

Amoli: A chakravyuh of child sexual exploitation





A police raid at a place , the way to the secret door not higher than your average bed…inside within a gap wall of 3 ft, cowed in a far corner, terrified minor girls all decked up in makeup and fancy dresses, being rescued from a brothel. Ages of the girls – just 12-13 years. Chilling real life images and happenings which can disturb you. This is no fictional story, this is what I experienced when I watched Amoli- a 30 minute documentary on sexual exploitation of children. Amoli means precious- precious is each and every child. In India they go missing, rarely to be found, lost in the dark hole of flesh trade. The root cause of all these things are the very few common types which we all know, the starting point of which is poverty. There are a lot of things which are systematically to make sure that this remains the most lucrative business in the whole world after dealing of arms and narcotics.



The story starts with any place in India, in the village which is not so economically developed, literate. All about the need to get out of poverty or the immediate need for money which is the starting point for such trade and the most shocking is the entry of children into this. Why children? Well because they are easy to be lured because they don’t know what’s happening with them and whether they should distrust the person. In majority of cases the starting point is someone they know, once lured on the pretext of a better life in a big city either unknowingly or via deals through their parents for as meager amount as 1000 bucks they are exchanged hands the same way a commodity in a market does. This does not mean that this is the end, this is just the start of a chakravyuh. They are once again sold to any red light area/brothel for further 70,000 to 2 lakhs of rupees. Then these poor girls are milked for all they’re worth and even more... for the entire lifetime. 

Survival stories are equally horrendous. I had read in the newspapers about these children being given hormone injections to make sure that they look much older than the what really are and few survivor stories told us that these girls are given the same injections so that they look at least 26, double than what they really are. It’s a permanent damage both physically and mentally which can’t be reversed. It’s not just red light areas we are talking about. This thing happens in homes where the devils are the relatives too. A girl saying that she was bought by a person for just Rs. 1000, given hormonal injections, subjected to bondage, physical and sexual abuse, rape, burning of private parts just because that person liked it that way and relation of that person with the girl- her tauji. How much more disgusting it gets you would be thinking but I say that it’s a lot more murkier. If you try to put forth picture in front of you of what I actually saw on screen was something like this… Imagine a 12-year-old girl in a normal home when she is forcefully applied make-up or even dressed in bright colour clothes just because there is a function in the home or she has to go to a friend`s birthday party, you get the scene?? Now replace the background with that of a brothel/private home/massage parlour and  hungry predators eyeing them for sex. That’s a majority of children look like when they are rescued in a live raid.

Even if someone wants to come out of this, they cant because prostitution has been going on in the family since generations and they have to uphold the “tradition”. With years of abuse these children have lost the will to trust people and that is evident in the fear these children have in their eyes the movement they are rescued. It takes a lot of coaxing by woman members of the NGOs in the raid, the sympathetic police force officers to actually make the children move even an inch from their hiding places. You can’t force them to come out, they might hurt themselves in fear. When I was thinking that why parents don’t raise an alarm then comes the answer, they don’t know anything plus they are fine till the money keeps flowing, the alarm bells ring only when it stops and by the time they realise that it has gone all wrong these Abhimanyus have long been lost in the maze of the chakrayuh. Their life is not easy even after being rescued because the stigma of society of all that crap destroys their rehab. Their families refuse to take them back, they are left with no other way than a shelter home. The only way they can start rebuilding their lives is by economic empowerment which I’m sorry to say but is pathetic in this country for woman in general so you can very well understand what happens with victims of sexual exploitation. The girls are learning to read and write maybe even taking up defence classes in the process but how far will……….. Even my words now are failing to form a thought process.

You can’t catch these people so easily because the modus operandi has changed. No longer in red light areas or brothels  it has far expanded to social media, whatsapp, Facebook and places like private homes, farmhouses, hotels and one of the most shadiest places we all know- the massage parlours. Its not about just children, no way, it expands to teenage college going girls who double up as high-profile call girls in various cities. In this flesh trade everything sells. The nexus of culprits and police is well-known in all areas and this is no exception. If a girl is supplied to any private property of the customer he is also told an alternate way to escape in case there is a police treat. If a raid happens, the customer has already fled, the girl remains and the vicious circle of sexual exploitation and prostitution continues. A child missing for more than four months is automatically deemed to have been pushed into the trafficking mode but by the time this realisation draws to reality those months have passed away and there is very less time of finding these girls. In search of better avenues these girls are trapped from all parts of the country and in quite few cases from the neighbouring countries too. 

This documentary concluded in just 30 minutes but it questioned us at every single step about a problem which we have very easily chosen to overlook because it doesn’t concern us, we don’t care, it can’t happen with me. That’s the whole issue. We can be vocal about political issues, sporting events  but topics such as these… We do nothing.

Not related to sexual exploitation but due to the fact that trafficking concerns exploitation of all kinds, if you want to have a read I would suggest you a novel. Its written by one of India’s most finest military authors in recent times – Mukul Deva. Called “A pound of flesh” the fictional characters deal with the real world issue of Organ trafficking. When you would go through the novel you could actually fear the pain, the race against time to save the people and everything.. Maybe after you give a read you would you be able to understand what it is about being captured in this dark web of exploitation. One thing is sure is that either you are stuck in the web of either Organ or sexual trafficking, there is no coming back because as per this novel the more time passes away, the less chance is to find the victim alive.

The children in this flesh trade have probably been lost forever, what we can do is to make some effort to make sure to blow the whistle, tip off the lead whenever we feel that a child is being trafficked. Who knows where he or she might end up? Our one effort can save a life.

Things going bad- yes they are, increasingly read or heard stories everyday of minors being sexually abused, sometimes even killed..and the latest ghastly story- rape of 5 women from an anti trafficking organisation.. the law?? Well its only in books as of now, conviction is negligible as the corrupt nexus of system still exists with the law enforcement agencies toothless and spineless than ever before.

As a blogger, years back I wrote a post saying that there is no blogging culture in Lucknow and I would say that the happenings of such events in the city must continue and bloggers, social media influencers should come out and attend these events so that a formidable blogger force can be developed in this city which can take up these events and happenings to places where they’ll reach a much wider audience - the web.

This event was jointly organised by Youth ki Awaaz and Change.org at Sheroes Hangout - a name which is now synonymous with the rehab of acid attack victims.


Sunday, June 10, 2018

Depression: When I have battled for my survival




Depression is deep shit and this can take life…it always has. The biggest issue with this is that there is no known remedy to it and all that motivational crap about dealing with it is…crap at best. This is my story and I would share with you that how deadly depression is..coz I have attempted suicide because of that. 

School was all good because there the progression was all defined, till class 12 your progress is defined. Things take a different turn after that when you have to choose your career. I had nothing fixed uptill then but doing nothing as professional course is a sin in India so partly due to lack of knowledge and mostly due to parental pressure I took Company Secretary ( they wanted CA but I said no that much amounts was too much for me and numbers are my kryptonite). Due to the fact that foundation was all BCom 1st year and my school subjects, I managed to pass it in the 1st attempt but trouble started when I went to the Inter level. The level there was 3 year Bcom ( I was in 2nd) and had difficulty grasping and syncing things in studies. I tried my level best but failed twice – my grand total reducing desperately from 70 to 35 ( you needed 250 back then to pass then). 

One day during my exams I realized I was not made for CS. Just could not sit and cramp all day. So I mentally left the exam and did not study. Apart from the IT paper, did nothing (made the excuse of food poisoning). After the results, did not reapply and deliberately missed the form deadline. There was a storm in the house when parents came to know about my no . I was depressed because I had no backup career ready and home was all about “ What next”? I was severely depressed. I took up career counselling and came with MBA and Armed forces. Airforce is my 1st love and Army comes 2nd. I started preparing for IMA and the reaction of parents again was the same as with Hrithik and parents in Lakshya. I prepared myself mentally. In that no youtube era, I watched Vijeta , Border, Lakshya daily to get that aggression. Due to some circumstances I could not pursue that. MBA at that time was totally unknown territory for me so I had little info and relied only on CAT and not MAT too. 2005 was the time when I passed my grad and July 2007 was the time when I got admission into an MBA college. Those 2 gap years totally destroyed me as for the 1st time in my life I was having gap years. 

After paying lakhs as tution and other expenses I was depressed again in 2009 when recession hit and I was not selected anywhere. As I was looking for returns now, my objective was to start earning asap. No success. I came back to my hometown and started selling sim cards at a salary of just 7.5k. A huge blow for me. I did that for only 5 months as late night/off times made my health and love life go for a toss. 

In 2010 I went to delhi and joined a big group and worked there for 5 long years and was more desperate and depressed in the last 3 years as people were not offering me any job on hearing my employer`s name (such bad was the situation and the salary was peanuts). Ass lickers got hikes and I got raises worse than peons. Then I made a decision to leave the company abruptly, my mamaji was already pushing me to help me out in his business as he needed someone from the family to handle the operations and administration as his health had taken a toll. Probably that gave me the exit I was looking for but after just 8 months I left that because all he thought was business 24x7 whereas my mind used to switchoff after office hours ( I had a parallel life as a blogger, poet also). The thing which business taught me was something no school could have taught me. Things change drastically when you move from this side of the desk to that side- there are tons of unforeseen circumstances cropping up everyday. My main reason to leave the business was due to the technical nature of the product. Plus I thought that I could not build my later married life on the basis of someone else`s business. 

Feb. 2015 was the month when I left Delhi and shifted back to Lucknow – my hometown for preparation of competitive exams. In the previous 6 months I had known that studies and work cant go hand in hand. You have to concentrate only on 1 . I worked my ass off for the studies and competitions like I was going to die tomorrow. Coz I was, I had no 2nd chances now. I gave all competitive exams (no civil)– IBPS, SBI, Associate, Pre, Pra, Pro.. Whatever exam/Institution/Vacancy you can think off. Depression hit me hard when from June 2015 till October 2015 I just did not succeed in anything. Time was flying by. 

In Oct. 2015 I had to leave attending the BNLF by Indiblogger in Mumbai bcoz the bloody IBPS main exam was on the same day as the conference. It was a matter of life vs passion and I was heartbroken. Renie – the founder of Indiblogger knows how much dejected I was (I did not even have enough money in my bank to go there). I was ready to forgo the exam for Indi but then another incident happened and I had to give the exam. I cursed the whole world openly and with a vengeance of terminator said to BNLF “ I`ll be back”. The fruit of my effort bore result finally in April 2016 when I had cracked IBPS in all available posts – PO, Clerk, Specialist Officer. 

I had to wait till July 2016 to know my posting date and place as PO – Patna in November 2016. I thought that I had 3 months of holidays until another bomb exploded and I got another joining letter from an insurance PSU to join from August in Lucknow itself. Reluctantly enquired about the pay package to discover that insurance was paying way way more than banks. Its been 22 months of working here with a secure job but you cant say there has been no depression. Cracking departmental exams during probation period was one kinda of a hell as in the race against time and myself, every failure further broke me. 

I 1st got depressed when I got to know that for the AirForce you needed PCM , Army dreams were dashed when came to know that I was having flat feet. The 1st instance were I attempted suicide was the gap between leaving CS and figuring out what to do. It was my friends who saved me then. That gap year of MBA exams and admission were another instance of depression. Out of luck I discovered something about myself at AIIMS and that broke me to a new low and attempted another. Exam efforts and result disappointments aside, I went to another depression low when I lost someone I loved so much, I loved her till eternity and 1 family member broke my trust when I most needed support and the fallout of that- I have never forgiven that person, have become more aggressive and  I never trust. This pain would remain forever. There are few more parts in the general life but they cant be shared because they are very painful for me.

At every stage of my depression cycle, I had friends to bail me out so for me all bookish fundas about dealing with depression is all crap for me. Had it not been for them, it would have been curtains for me long ago. I was lucky to have them, for you it might be someone else but depression does kill.. no matter what age or stage of your life and its tough to survive in the web of depression.

I coped with my depression of joining the armed forces by blogging about them now. I remember her by my poems now… but still then, the mind keeps going back to how many of my years have got wasted in all my various attempts vs where I could have been had everything happened on time and another wave hits me.. So this has been my story of going through depression.